So i just kinda realised im a lesbian and because of where i was raised and how, i cant help but feel ashamed of myself and disgusted with myself. Like i know and like gay people but not myself as one. Is there a specific god i can try and contact or worship to help me come to terms with this.
Omgs, congratulations! That’s a wonderful self-realisation! I’m sorry that you’re feeling negatively about yourself because of it, but I’m really happy and proud for/of you <3
I’ve found Freyja to be really great for me in terms of both my gender and sexual identities as a nb transwoman and a lesbian. She’s very affirming, positive, and warm I’ve found, and really helps make me feel confident, secure, accepting, and loving of myself, I would describe her impact as inspiring self-love through legitimisation of the self.
I’ve also experienced similar with Skadhi except that it’s more of a “fuck you and what you think” kind of vibe, with the self-love coming more from delegitimising the external and not giving a shit what anyone else thinks.
Edit: And Loki! A lot of LGBTQIA+ Norse pagans heavily associate Loki with the community/ies, identities, and self-acceptance of LGBTQIA+ folks.
It sounds like what you’re dealing with is internalised homophobia which you might want to read up about if you’re not familiar with the concept already because it’s pretty common and there are ways to help combat/overcome it 🙂 here’s a short little thing that I like on the subject, though I want to add on to what they say that I think you can speed up how long it takes by doing things like learning about your identity’s history, reading LGBTQIA+ liberation theory and the history of LGBTQIA+ liberatory efforts, and just generally being involved in your identity’s community; familiarity and understanding can really help overcome this.
I hope you feel better about yourself really soon; this part of you that you’ve discovered is beautiful and good, you’re exactly how you should be, and you deserve to feel that for yourself <3